"The Animal In Me"

Might as well post something before I leave for Singapore in about well less than 6 hours and 30 minutes.

I can't deny the fact that I took painkillers and alcohol back then.I thought I was completely clean when I was in Form 1 but 2 years later the craving came back. It all started when I lost my temper very easily and slowly everything came back from anger to different and mix emotions.Its just crazy being me.So later when your done reading go and thank god your not me.


Its all coming back to me, I can't deal with problems ,I've struggled to find a solution to solve these problems.When I was under painkillers and alcohol I could at LEAST push it aside but right now I just can't and its really taking over my life.I can't or don't want anyone to know the real truth because the truth hurts I think.Plus it wouldn't matter one shit anyway.

Oh if any of my sentence don't make no sense shut the fuck up and move on pal.Anyway moving on, my anger has gone wild while my patience is so little that I could get pissed at any second.I DO NOT HAVE A ANGER PROBLEM like some of you are saying.I just need some time to change.SHUT UP xD its not like I complain when you people have weird moods well maybe I do but still just shut up.

Back to the point,I'm dealing with this problem that have been bothering me for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG time and I still have yet to find a solution for it. The problem is soo complicated that it can make me angry,cry to even happy weird right? You'd probably understand if you know what the problem is.If you don't well its probably best you don't I guess.

I don't want to go back to cutting or drinking or painkillers but there's just come a point when God or whoever throws you a challenge or trial and you can't fix it.I swear to god whatever I do with the problem the result is always a Lose-Lose situation for me,it will not benefit me at all because there is only and I mean ONLY 1 result I want and I don't think it's gonna come out the way I want it to.Me fighting against my Drinking/Cutting/Painkiller problem is like putting out a fire with gasoline I'll end up making it more big if you know what I mean.

Well maybe going to Singapore will give me and idea on what to do cause I'm seriously dead clueless.Yes I'm stupid don't need to point that out to me.I'm not blind even though I'm using specs.Or maybe I'm going to waste my time like I always do and wait until last minute when that problem demands an answer. Still its not like I can find a solution that fast its like forcing a blind man to lead another blind man.

I just don't think I can ignore this problem.I wish I could but I just cant.Oh lord have mercy on me.Whatever I've done I don't think I deserve this.Maybe I do but still.I'm only human.Well thats all for now folks if you need any clarification just ask me when I get back on Saturday around 1.30pm until then take care everyone.