But dreams don't come easy you've gotta believe me

I have NOT regain my motivation nor inspiration anymore and fuck up part is I need those things and my teachers are putting me in 2 well lets say semi-major competitions.On one hand it would definitely stamp my authority then I AM capable of winning stuffs but on the other hand where the fuck am I suppose to work hard when I don't see any benefit towards me.And no getting a medal or certificate doesn't mean a shit to me.

"Wonderful" things have happened to me with my motivation and inspiration gone I fail most of my test and barely pass in English seriously.Well thats what happen when I seriously don't give a fuck about my life.I mean why should I? I seriously have nothing to aim for.All I get is shit so why bother working.Either shit or I always get hurt.

Valentine?Well still single and lost all hope on asking her.She's just well too good for me.With me going back to smoking,seriously she deserves better.Me smoking again!?YES,I am so what?Life is pretty much useless.I told you people before that I will do things if no such miracle happen soon.Seriously you can't blame me for smoking again.Its not my fault that no one is helping me in my time of need and I ain't getting much guidance from above,not that I'm complaining but still.

My self confidence is seriously down.With my grades and all It's not helping one bit.With valentine coming its just making it worse.Sighs..will update later on.