Anton Chekhov once said "Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out."

I am just the same.I can live with a crisis because I know I can solve at one point, but day to day living has taken its toll on me. if hugs cure everything trust me I wouldn't be in the state I'm in. I'm sick of being everybody's good friend. Its always been that way nothing more. It sucks because everyone seems to take advantage of it, they only come to you when they need something and they know you will always be there because your just their good friend. They know you will be there for whatever they need. Well I'm tired of being everyone's bestfriend,I want to be something more than that. Its pissing the living crap out of me. its good to be good friends with some people but sometimes well you just want to be more to someone.

My bestfriend or are we still bestfriend.Only she can answer that. Everyday I need to find a reason to stay optimistic that she does care but like everything,reasons will start to run out and when I finally can't find a reason to believe that she thinks of me every now and then,or care about me even if it's a bit, then that's the day I stop believing that things can change no matter the odds and that's the day I know she has forsaken me.

38 days since we last spoken or communicate. Now even though we didn't say anything or are arguing, this is definitely not what I call peace.How can it be good knowing that there is an odd silence.It is calm but it is not calm to the heart.Peace is when your heart feels calm and this odd silence is not making my heart feel at ease.

Why is this happening? Maybe its because I'm short.Maybe its because I'm not one of her people.Maybe its because I'm boring.Maybe its because I'm a boy.Maybe its because I'm weird.Maybe because its all of the above and more.Or maybe somethings just does not need a reason to happen.A word can mean alot to a person.Sometimes a word is really all it takes to change a person all around. Sometimes a word can mean the difference between life and death. Sometimes a word can mean a thousand words. Sometimes a word can give hope. Sometimes a word can destroy a person. A single word can do wonders but it can cause chaos if not used properly.

People sometimes leave and they don't come back. They never knew a single word or a smile could change someone's whole view of life.I miss my bestfriend but this time its time for her to fight for me because all this while I've been fighting to keep her with me maybe its time for me to wait and if she doesn't then god bless me for I have no idea what lies ahead.

"I miss you like you never knew..."