Wake up each morning,she pops into my head.Half way through a test instead of thinking about the answer,I find myself thinking about her.When scoring a goal in football,I thank her for being my inspiration.At night,while reflecting my life so far,I hug my pillow wishing it was her because the truth is I'm not strong at all.You might call me a psycho but I'd rather call myself a person whose deeply in love with someone else.

The sad thing is the more you love a person the more you criticize yourself from the smallest mistakes to the biggest and stupidest mistakes you ever did.The worse part is sometimes you question if that person feels the same way as you do.Now thats the problem.Which is more scary,not to know what that person really feels about you or knowing what that person really feels about you? I mean lets be honest if that person feels the same way you do,thats great but (A) what if that person doesn't feel the same was as you do?Now that hurts bloody much.But then again (B) not knowing also can cause insecurity.You may find yourself confuse,at one point you can say that person feels the same way you do but then on other days you say to yourself that the person doesn't feel the same way you do and you still end up getting hurt.I guess either way you'll get hurt at some extend in situation (A) and (B).

Leaving It In Other Hands.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do,nothing. Whatever happens,happens. I'm not going to open my mouth and start saying crap but instead I'm going to do absolutely nothing. Why you might ask? Cause every time I try, I end up failing miserably or I mess up. Other time I get myself hurt or paranoid to the point I feel like there's no point in fighting. I'll only respond/cooperate when ask to do so.What I'm going to do in the meantime? Easy,take my swiss knife and start stabbing things.
Why?
Its a good way to release all my anger inside, I can hurt myself by accident, I like to destroy things and finally I got nothing better to do.

The second thing on my agenda is to find my lost/miss place painkillers. If I lost it then I have to find an alternative.
Why? I thought your giving up your bad habits?
Well sorry buddy I'm in pain both physically and emotionally.If by any chance you find a cure for both my pain do share. I mean I'm not doing anything against my promise. If I get hurt accidentally cause of my swiss knife well not my fault, I mean after all it is a accident. Painkillers, it would be wrong to not stop the pain when there is a way. I mean hurting oneself intentionally is a sin. So I am stopping the pain.Gosh I'm such a genius.

What?! What happen?! I thought you changed?!

Well, life is such a bitch. One moment you feel like everything will go your way and change for the better when suddenly you do something but turn out it wasn't the result you wanted.So thats what happened! I CANT SLEEP AND THE PAIN IS VERY UNBEARABLE !!!

But look at the bright side, my anger is still not in control.
WAIT HOW CAN THIS BE A GOOD THING ?!
-Easy, I release my anger by telling people how I really feel towards something. If they can't take it well,Good luck.But don't worry none of you people will ever come near the pain I am feeling right now and even if you did your out of it.

Maybe you should turn to god and religion ?!
- I got 2 words to reply to that...FUCK THAT.