A Twisted End To A Suppose To Be Happily Ever After.

With the advance of technology nowadays I keep praying that a time machine will be soon built. I can't stand waking up each morning knowing that she pack everything up so quickly and left me without saying anything. Am I angry with her? Heck no,there's no point in doing so. She's happy and well good for her that is what I always wanted anyway. Sometimes its just frustrating no one is there when I need them. I'm tired of getting taken advantage of. I'm fine with helping people and I never expect something in return but sometimes a lil' help once in a while would be appreciated.

Nevertheless to me, this is just not the way its suppose to be. I thought after writing a very very truthful letter to her I expected some progress with our friendship but turned out it just made it worse. I find myself looking through photos of her. Why? I don't know. Does it hurt? More than anyone could imagine. I'm trying my best to do whatever it takes to get rid of the pain but not by painkillers are smoking like I did before but sometimes...those two things are like the only things that can keep me going. She moved on while I'm still grieving. While I'm wide awake she has no trouble sleeping. I'm still in love while she left.

Now I'm just trying to make sense of what is left. There isn't a shadow of doubt that its my fault. It always had been and always will be. Saying sorry won't be enough to her back. All the money in world could not buy her forgiveness. A shithead like me don't deserve such person. Despite all that no one and I seriously mean it NO ONE can deny the fact that I love her cause I do. True love causes the deepest pain. She's happy thats all that matters. Whether I die from overdosing with painkillers I don't really care. I leave knowing she's happy.


Sometimes I wonder.... "Eloi Eloi Lema Sabachthani?"