Ill Be Waiting With The Lights On...

I chose not to go to school today because well the weather is probably the best way to describe how I'm feeling [Gloomy?sad?unpredictable?]. Woke up around 2-ish due to heavy thunder and rain and I think I probably playing with faith as I have no idea why i was using the comp with the window open next to me.The thunder resembles how I feel inside,angry at my ownself for some reason.I'm putting all the blame on meself for everything that is shitty in my life at the moment.

Honestly I'm losing faith and hope that things will get better.How can I expect everything to go right when I don't have the will power to change it.And how am I going to get the will power to make my life better without having any motivation or any inspiration?Its like running without legs,its like shouting without a mouth and its like finding a way out with no windows or doors with nothing at all.I swear I'm even struggling right now to find the words that fully describe how I'm feeling right now.

To hell with it,I'm blank like shit so I'm gonna talk about the main problem.I just want to spend time with her.I don't know why but I want to.Can't stop thinking about her as usual its very fuck up.But I'm a shitass boring person.I don't even know how to chat with her properly.Fuck really.Everytime she leaves the conver for whatever reason just hurts cause I couldn't entertain her.Not a single god damn fucking shit topic come to my head.Its no wonder why she doesn't like me or anything.God,I love her soo much but...I have more chance of flying without wings then ever being with her.Heck I'm shit she deserves someone better...

"I'll never amount to the type of person you deserve to worship you..."- Alister. T


From me..

I'm not rich or anything,I'm not tall nor strong,but I hope its alright if I continue to love you..I know I'm nothing special.I'm really sorry..