No One Is Going Fucking Read This Anyway So Might As Well Let Everything Out Here.

"how can I miss you this time when I've been missing you all along?"

Why the fuck do I feel so emotional today? As far as I know guys do not have PMS nor can get pregnant.So why the mood swings? Damn psyched yet nervous for the trip to Pace Bane but at the same time I'm questioning whether I'm in the proper state to lead my group ; Fortitude. Obviously this is a crucial retreat and I must remember this is NOT for me but for the confirmandis.

I know why,but I do not WANT to face the truth. Once I face the truth surely I must do something about it. The thing is I do not want to do anything. Its fucking weird, the insecurity I'm feeling ensures me that I'm very much in love with her. It makes me happy to know I'm hurting soo bad cause I'm loving her..say what? That's how fuck up it is. I miss those things couples do like walk together, hold hands and so on but I love her like,pure. I ain't asking for hugs,kisses or whatever all I want is a sincere walk with each other during dismissal. Its funny how one puny thing can mean soo much to a person.

Am I being too needy?Possibly.Sometimes we don't talk nor message each other for couple of days. Seriously even if we do message or talk I still miss her after that what more if we don't talk or message? Deep down I know and she know she rather be with her friends than me, I will reiterate once again how much worth I am when I can't even keep a conversation,make her happy or laugh.

Am I going to make my feelings known to her, no.I will stick with my golden rule..

"If she's happy nothing else really matters...."